I had a nice polite post all planned for today. (Really!) Then I got distracted.
The phrase “Testicles Cookbook” flashed by on the twhirl-o-vision, and I had to look.
(Disclaimer: Before you crack the cover, please note that I am not the person to sue for any psychological trauma you may endure; I am simply the carrier pigeon. Enter at your own risk.)
After I stopped twitching, I felt obligated to pass it on to a lawyer or two (or ten). Within a few minutes, people were forwarding it to various mailing lists. Some thought it was a joke. Others just loved the ick-factor.
The balls had gone viral. At least within a pretty good part of my network.
Will any of these people be whipping up a dish of barbequed testicles & giblets tonight? Will anyone I know buy this ebook? Can’t say for sure, but I highly doubt it.
So why should we write about balls?
(Disclaimer #2: From this moment on, the balls are a metaphor. If you write about actual balls and get put on internet-lockdown at your day job, don’t come cryin.’)
Balls are funny.
Most of us corporate folk are bored off our asses a good amount of the day. Anything even remotely funny sounding is worth a look. Have you worked in an office since email was invented? Think about the garbage jokes that get forwarded to you over and over until you’ve seen them so many times you want to reply-all just to have witnesses when you tell the sender to fuck off. If your title is at least that funny, you’ve already got the clicks.
Balls turn heads.
Funny is good, but ballsy is better. Ballsy makes a bold statement. Think of the rich jerk who branded himself with the tagline “I’m rich and you’re not” and basically paved his way to success by calling his customers losers. Not the route I would take, but it worked for him. (By the way, I’ve read his book and wasn’t impressed, so please don’t take my link to mean I’m endorsing this one — he’s just the ballsiest example I could think of.)
Think of the funniest, ballsiest person you know. If they wrote something, wouldn’t you read it?
Now… what’s for lunch?
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ummm…a meatball sandwich?
Really. sorry…I’m just not sure how to comment…:)
nice post? good point?
yep, I’ll settle for that and shut my mouth. This should get interesting.
Wendi Kelly-Life’s Little Inspirations’s last blog post..Tealights and Time
Nothing like balls and masturbation. This Thursday is shaping up to be pretty awesome.
Matthew Dryden’s last blog post..7 Ways I Masturbate With Google Analytics
I don’t know, I just spent today’s post telling people to hire me. Is that ballsy enough?
I actually spend most of marketing time not being ballsy enough. Not calling new people or networking or whatever, out of fear. I need to sack up.
Tei - Rogue Ink’s last blog post..Hire Me Already. Jeez.
I know this is a bit off-topic.
But according to our society:
Male sex organs = Great topic for discussion. Potentially funny. Especially if they get kicked.
Female sex organs = Not funny. Don’t even go there
Friar’s last blog post..Dear Solar System
I beg to differ. ‘Vaginae’ is a hilarious word. Just TRY to use it with a straight face. You CAN’T.
Though the singular is infinitely less funny than the plural. I do not know why this should be, but I suspect the answer may lead us to a better understanding of Latin conjugates.
Tei - Rogue Ink’s last blog post..Hire Me Already. Jeez.
@Tei
VaginAE are acceptably funny.
But only in monologues. And spoken by people who have one.
Friar’s last blog post..Dear Solar System
A friend of mine recently described a meeting he had with a roomful of women as ‘a conspiracy of vaginae’. We didn’t stop laughing for about ten minutes.
Tei - Rogue Ink’s last blog post..Hire Me Already. Jeez.
Tei: “Sack up”?! Bwahahahahaha!!!
Oh God. At the same time, it’s sobering. I totally need to grow some balls too as far as marketing goes. Balls that clank like church bells.
steph’s last blog post..Win Free Manuscript or Query Letter Critique Offered by Agent and Acq. Editor
One word review of the cookbook:
Ouch.
And I suppose it goes without saying that this book wouldn’t be of interest to anyone with a nut allergy.
Brett Legree’s last blog post..still doing crazy things…
Brett: AHAHAHAHAHA!!
steph’s last blog post..Win Free Manuscript or Query Letter Critique Offered by Agent and Acq. Editor
My grandfather told me a joke when I was a kid.
(Should I tell it? Yeah, why not, it’s a cheesy grandpa joke but why not…)
“How do you cook kidneys?”
“Boil the piss out of them.”
(Thank you, thank you, I’ll be here all week.)
Brett Legree’s last blog post..still doing crazy things…
Gosh, what are these comments coming to? Now I’ve got freaky images of hairy talking vaginAE in monologue and scary PENisAE. Can’t help it, I’m a visual thinker.
But still I HEART balls topics anytime. Especially those who have one —too?
Enough said that I’m living in China where people really do consider eating the literal ones as a delicacy because it can improve *cough* one’s virility. They have a Penis Restaurant in Beijing
Here’s a video link about it I dug up from long ago: Not for people who don’t have enough balls to stomach this:
Penis Restaurant
Kate’s last blog post..Sex with Fairies- Excerpt And Social Bookmarking Bar
Penisae or penii? Hmm, my Latin’s kind of rusty.
Brett Legree’s last blog post..still doing crazy things…
Sadly, it’s just ‘penises’. Terribly boring.
Tei - Rogue Ink’s last blog post..Hire Me Already. Jeez.
Ah, just what’s needed on a Thursday morning - testicles. And metaphors associated with them. Nicely done.
And following that metaphor - absolutely agree. Nothing like a little earnest but hilarious approach that cuts through the bullshit and gets attention. Not just to grab attention for attention’s sake, but to offer something cool. Like balls.
Well played, Amy. Well played.
QuietRebelWriter’s last blog post..Writer Profile: Elizabeth McQuern
KATE!!!!!!! The penis restaurant video! Oh my fucking god.
*dies laughing*
*rises from the dead*
Wendi — You had to say a meatball sandwich, didn’t you?!?!
(bwahahahah)
Amy — Pull it together.
Matthew — I love you for writing a masturbation post. You should SO guest post here.
Tei — You are my twin. You are ballsy enough.
Ok, I’m laughing so hard I hit submit by accident.
Friar — My sex organs are VERY funny. You just haven’t met them yet.
Tei — ‘a conspiracy of vaginae’ OH NO. Why is that the funniest thing ever? (Really. You’re my twin. You should know why.)
Brett — Oh master of the ancient romans, would the ii in penii be pronounced like eye or like wee (from the nintendo gods)? Do enlighten us.
Steph — No mentioning church in the balls post. That’s so going in the comment policy. LOL
QRW — Fellow Amy, thank you. I’m glad you liked the balls.
It would only be pronounced like Wii if you had to, err, wee…
Brett Legree’s last blog post..still doing crazy things…
I thought so.
ROFL! I saw the title and my brows knit together in confusion but this being Write From Home, I clicked over because you’re Amy, I love you and you are ballsy! LOL! Um, I’m having tofu dogs for lunch and I can assure you there will be no testicles on my dinner menu, no sir no Cowboy Chili for this buckaroo. Anywho, yea ballsy is good. I like Tei’s idea (Hey Tei, coming to visit) and I am plenty ballsy when it comes to other people but am a complete wuss at self promotion and I have decided to get over myself already, open my mouth and share how fabulous I am. You are such a breath of fresh air Amy!
Karen — You ARE fabulous. The world should know.
@ Steph — Marketing balls that clank like church bells. That’s fucking awesome.
Naomi Dunford’s last blog post..Marketing in Troubled Times: Introduction
Naomi — Where the hell is the link to that blog post you just twittered about? That so needs to go up here, and I’ve already lost the damn thing.
I’m thinking a new tagline for this blog needs to be “Scarring People for Life Since 2004″ — would that be wrong? [insert angel emoticon here]
HA! Yeah, it probably should, shouldn’t it?
http://kepthusband.com/2008/10/02/when-your-wife-has-cut-off-your-balls/
I think it’s an excellent tagline, although I can think of a few people who might disagree.
Naomi Dunford’s last blog post..Marketing in Troubled Times: Introduction
Naomi — YAY! And, those people can bite my big fat balls. You know, if that package I purchased through a spam email comes through…
See now, I have been kicking around (ouch!) a post idea on that part of the male gentalia for a couple of weeks, but wasn’t sure about posting it. Now we have Matthew masturbating in a public forum, and Amy frying up manjigglies for supper. Sooooo….I’m going for it. Yes I am. Too bad I already wrote this Friday’s post. Will have to do it (write the post you nasty minded people!) on Monday. And you, Amy my love, will get some link love out of it.
Urban Panther’s last blog post..A lesson in logic
Panthy — Yay! I’m so excited.
Thanks! I’m glad I made your day with the video. ; ) I showed the video to a couple of my Chinese students. It’s so like normal for them!
Kate’s last blog post..First Sticky Post
Way scary on way too many levels.
I used to work with a woman who got tired of hearing other women talk about having enough balls to do something so she started saying ovaries like:
“Wow, talking to the boss that way took a lot of ovaries.”
And
“Get some ovaries and just do it!”
And
“I’m feeling kind of ovarian today. I’m totally going to kick ass.”
Alex Fayle | Someday Syndrome’s last blog post..Pushing Yourself Forward - Full Text Answers
Alex, that’s too funny! Have you ever heard of Bitch? She’s got a song/spoken word piece called Pussy Manifesto. Part of it’s like
“I’m sick of my genitalia being used as an insult. Are you? It’s time to let my labia rip and rearrange this. Here we go:
“That was so Pussy of you to help me move to my new place! Especially since I’m living on the 13th floor. You’ve really made this a Pussy move!”
It’s so crazy, but it cracks me up.
Amy,
Oh my goodness. What is the point in leaving a comment today? It’s the middle of the night and I have tears streaming down my face. I know I say this too often here, but this is the funniest thing ever, and every comment made it
worsebetter.If you haven’t read Naomi’s original, patented version of the balls post, you should:
http://ittybiz.com/getting-more-jobs-are-you-cocky-or-do-you-have-balls/
She’s got balls.
Regards,
Kelly
Kelly’s last blog post..Inspiration Points: The Not-So-Secret Ticket to Your Fortunes
Kelly, I love you and Naomi and your collective balls. (Hey, if we get enough of them here, we can start a pool game.)
So, um, I’m gonna have to wait and read that in the morning. If I laugh very loudly this late, the neighbors will call the police. It’s happened before.
Hey, know this is late and probably the comments have stopped but I really do think this BALLS post came back to haunt me. Today in my class, we got the Chinese students to introduce themselves and one of them stood up and said, “I like to play with a lot of balls.” I really had to control myself from laughing but a snort unfortunately escaped. She continued, “like volleyball, basketball, football….” before I stopped her and said, “You know you shouldn’t say the ‘balls’ part to foreigners. It’s got a bad meaning to it.”
And Chinese students being pampered and closeted they are from all the ‘bad’ information from English, she innocently asked, “What kind of bad meaning? Please explain.”
Ah, crap.
Kate’s last blog post..Live Out of the Box
Hi Kate, it’s never too late! I’m so happy you came back to share this story.
At least you were good enough to explain it to her. I’ve been laughed at by English speaking folks (in UK, Australia, etc) for certain words that mean one thing here and another there. I can only imagine how tough it would be for someone learning a new language. English is one hell of a hard language, but the things we do with it are even scarier. 
Dude! I never came back to check your response! I totally didn’t know that I was offered a guest post!
(Does it have to be about masturbation?)
Matthew Dryden’s last blog post..No, Really, Writing Is Just Like Sex
Hey Matthew. You can write about whatever you want.
Please do comment and discuss.
We love a good conversation!
Please use a name when commenting. Does not have to be your real name or full name. But responding to folks calling themselves "Make Money Writing Online" and such kinda sucks. Calling yourself keywords will likely get you thrown into my spam filter.