There’s a line from a story called In My Next Life by Pam Houston that goes:
Life gives us what we need when we need it. Receiving what it gives us is a whole other thing.
I’m not what I would call a spiritual person, and this story isn’t about that. It’s about this.
A few weeks ago Barbara Swafford at Blogging Without A Blog asked her readers what they would be doing if they weren’t blogging. She followed up with a post she called Blogging - Filling A Void In Our Lives and said, “Apparently blogging is giving us “something” these other activities or people in our lives, don’t.” Then she asked, “What is blogging “giving you”, you’re not getting in your everyday life?”
I don’t really know Barbara. I don’t remember how I happened to find her blog. But I do know her question haunted me for several days, because I couldn’t come up with an answer.
Then Glenda Watson Hyatt of Do It Myself Blog posted a video about how blogging has changed her life. I’ve “met” Glenda around Blogland but somehow missed the fact that she has cerebral palsy. I’ve known her from comments on Liz’s blog mostly as this awesome woman everyone seems to love. We’ve had conversations on Twitter about her cat and have chatted about all kinds of things that had nothing to do with anything that would have given me the slightest indication that she does all this by typing with only her left thumb. I didn’t know that in “real life” she has trouble speaking. I had no idea what her life is like until she told me (and the rest of Blogland) via her video, through which I learned that blogging has given Glenda a voice and a way to connect.
By learning about Glenda, I learned about me.
Blogging has given me a voice also, just in a different way. Long before blogging, the internet gave me a way to feel connected. Before I even owned a computer, back at my first job as a receptionist, I would spend a good part of my day chatting on forums. A few of you who read here know me from back then. We’re still connected.
The internet gave me a sense of belonging. It didn’t matter where I was — a forum, a chatroom, a blog — because no matter where I went online I could find at least one other person in the “room” who was like me in some small way, and we would connect. Suddenly I wasn’t this shy, reclusive person who preferred to crawl in a hole and die rather than talk to people. Suddenly my mind didn’t go blank when I was asked a question, because I could think before I had to speak. It was like I left my painfully shy self behind and became someone else; I became the person I really was that was buried under the socially-challenged person everyone in “real life” saw when they met me.
Blogging has given me more than a voice. Blogging has helped me connect with people I never would have otherwise met, people who if they disappeared off the face of the web-earth I would genuinely miss, people I consider my family. Meeting these people has been like being given back a part of me I didn’t know I was missing.
Life gives us what we need when we need it. Receiving what it gives us is a whole other thing.
I’m not good at receiving. I don’t like gifts. I don’t like compliments. I feel like I have enough stuff already, and I feel like I know myself well enough that I don’t need someone else’s words to make me feel better (or worse) about myself.
I don’t believe in any god. I don’t believe in fate. I don’t believe there is a master plan or a destiny. I don’t believe in the law of attraction. I believe I was born with choices and that the choices I make shape my future. I believe in working hard. I believe in trying hard to become the person I want to be, even if that means abandoning some of the parts I was born with.
I tell you this not so you’ll argue that I’m wrong, but so that perhaps you’ll understand the impact of what I’m about to say next.
I believe the internet has connected us in ways we can’t possibly fully comprehend on an intellectual level. The internet gives us things we don’t always know how to receive.
It doesn’t matter who I am or who you are. It doesn’t matter if you use your real name or post a real photograph of yourself or go by twenty-three aliases. It doesn’t matter how transparent you try to be or how many times you lie your ass off to sell a product.
You are more than that. Your words are powerful, but you are more powerful. Through these interwebs, the you that is out there is giving something to someone. And they are giving something back.
I received an email tonight from someone who probably has no idea how much we have in common. It was an email she clearly sent to a whole bunch of people on her contact list, reaching out to share her story. I just happened to receive it. Reading her story made me feel less alone, because in all the billion or so people I’ve come across online I’ve never had this one thing in common with anyone… that I know of. (Yes, even Emotional-Striptease Amy has a few secrets.) I wanted to respond to her email, to thank her, to say “I received this.”
But I couldn’t form the words, because I believe her story was meant to be about her and not about me. That she has potentially changed my life by sharing her story with me, largely by coincidence, may very well not be what she needs to hear right now.
So this post is to thank her, and all of you who have made my life better through words you have written — or just by existing. You all give me incredible gifts, every day, and I’m grateful to receive them in the limited way I know how.
How has the internet changed your life?
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Amy,
you know… when I worked as a corporate writer in cubicle world for the red pen man, one of the reasons he *hated* me was because I was dyslexic and I had never mentioned it on my interview. He had asked if there was anything about me that would keep me from doing my job. I said no. When he found out I was dyslexic he had a fit. In his mind ( I soon learned that was a scary place) A dyslexic person could not succeed as a business writer and should never have been hired in the first place. My job was a nightmere from then on. He wanted me GONE.
After I left, my ego and my faith in myself as a writer was pretty shattered for awhile. I remember the day that you shared on-line that you were dyslexic. It was the beginning moment of starting to believe that I COULD really succeed as a writer again. You made a difference to me in such a huge way.
Our on-line community encourages, believes in, laughs with, has amazing discussions, inspires and shapes my faith in myself and others.
It might seem scary *out there* but here in blogville I feel accepted and a little bit safer. I know I am not alone.
Wendi Kelly-Life’s Little Inspirations’s last blog post..Bouncing Back
Hi Amy. First it brought me immense joy through reconnecting with writing; I love playing with words and metaphors. Then along came excitement and a sense of belonging through visiting other blogging communities. Now? Addiction! Is there a 10-step program?
Davina’s last blog post..Creative Luny Landing In The Sand
Hi Davina — I love it! I’m not sure we internet addicts have the attention span for 10 steps. Maybe there is a 2.5 step program for us?
Wendi — Thank you so much for sharing that.
When you told me you’re dyslexic too I sorta had the same reaction. Like, wow, her blog is awesome and she writes so well I would never have known. I’m happy that we’ve connected and have been able to inspire each other and help each other feel less alone.
I only started blogging 8 months ago.
Admittedly, blogging is a huge time suck. I’m addicted. And it’s taking time away from other activities (like painting, reading, excercising).
But I really enjoy it. It allows me to express myself, like you say. It’s gotten me involved in more writing than I’ve ever done before. And I enjoy the community and the friends I’ve met.
But actually, I dont’ think my life has gotten any more or less fulfilled or meaningul, before or after blogging. I’m just using my free time differently, that’s all.
So I’m kinda on the fence about the whole thing.
Friar’s last blog post..The Happy-Mealer
Hey Friar. I was very tempted to put a disclaimer on this post that I would return to my regularly scheduled non-Barbie blogging tomorrow. But I figured very few would get the joke. And I’m going to a concert tonight so I won’t have time to field hatemail.
Last year I felt about the same way — on the fence — about blogging. Then I got sick and spent over a month in bed, disconnected, and I realized how much my life sucks without being online. Sad, pathetic, yes. I admit it. But there you have it. I don’t think blogging necessarily needs to be a deep moving experience for everyone though. Sometimes it’s just a hobby, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. The Great Platitudists of Blogland will likely disagree, but hey…
@Amy
Well, I admit. At least Blogging is productive and interactive (As opposed to time-wasting activities like dumb video games or watching bad TV).
I still like blogging. I’m gonna keep doing it until further notice. But I know that it’s possible to survive without it
Friar’s last blog post..The Happy-Mealer
Possible for you maybe.
Ok, and maybe for me too, after a round of Bloggers Anonymous in 2.5 steps. I think Davina was onto something there…
Most of my offline friends are partying, drinking, socializing-type people, and I’m definitely the odd one out. Blogging, and meeting all the people I’m happy to call friends online has shown me that there are other people out there like me, and they’re AWESOME.
There are other insomniacs, and they’re oh so loveable.
There are others who are ridiculously shy and get anxiety attacks if they have to be around strangers, but they’re still some of the nicest people ever and are able to live “normal” lives.
A big thing for me has been a sense of “I’m not the only one.”
Plus, the internet has given me communities that I am proud to be a part of, people I am excited to be able to call my friends, and a way to communicate with the outside world without tripping all over myself and falling on my face.
Offline, I’m the type of person who is easily forgotten, so it never fails to make my day when someone randomly IMs me with a, “Hey, I was just thinking of you. How ya doing?” or comments on my blog post, or responds to a tweet. The connection with other amazing people is definitely the thing I value most about the internet.
Allison Day’s last blog post..Waiola Shave Ice - Honolulu, Hawaii
Hey Allison, thanks so much for commenting. I’m the type that’s easily forgotten too. Good thing we met online so we can remind each other we’re not so forgettable after all.
Such is the awesomeness of the internet.
Also, it’s so very cool that it allows us to meet other fantabulous people we would have never met in real life! (You hide in your hole, I hide under my rock… doesn’t make for meeting each other very easily offline!)
Allison Day’s last blog post..Waiola Shave Ice - Honolulu, Hawaii
Wow, this is a question I’ll have to think about too. First of all, just in response to the comments, I can’t believe Wendy and you are dyslexic. I remember reading that you are, but didn’t realize Wendy was. I’ve met other incredible writers who’ve shared they are dyslexic as well and I’m always like “WHAT?!” I agree, if you all didn’t share it, no one would know. Great big ole kudos to anyone who is dyslexic and writes as well as you all do! *claps hands at your awesomeness*
And, as for connecting and the community… I’m always so amazed that so many of us can believe (or not believe at all) in so many different things, yet have fantabulous discussions - civilized, caring, fun, heartfelt discussions…
I’ll have to think about this question and might even write my own post to answer it. Who knows…
Anyway, I’m glad you blog, Amy, and I’m glad I ran into you along the cyber highway. You’re the bestest! (I love saying… well, typing… that - even if you didn’t need me to tell you.)
*smiles and hugs*
Michele
P.S. And… you, forgettable? Nah, never!!!!
Michele’s last blog post..I’m a Punk Duck at Write-from-Home.com!!!
Apparently I haven’t dug deep enough into your archives. I’ll have to do that one day.
I’ve been on the internet since I was 11-years old. I’ve seen it grow and I’ve been part of many different community that I’ve now fallen out of touch with. I’ve met and enjoyed people online. I wouldn’t be who I am today without the internet.
Matthew Dryden’s last blog post..How Can You Read This? (You Don’t Even Exist.)
Wow. I actually need more time to digest your question. Blogging has done so much for me in the year I’ve been doing it that I feel too overwhelmed. Which is one of the things blogging has helped with, actually, helping me sort things out. Put things in perspective. Change my beliefs, encourage me to do something new, vent my emotions in a process-y sort of way, give me courage, present a different way of seeing a situation…yeah, that’s more than one. There are so many things. The people I’ve met blogging have affected me in myriad ways. So much so I know that even were I to stop blogging for some reason, I know I would still keep up with them.
When I quit working at the library, I hated people. I had lost all faith in humankind. I wanted to be a hermit. I was disillusioned, angry, bitter. I was the Grinch, whose heart was two sizes too small.
Blogging changed all that. Meeting the people I have met has given me such a sense of connection and restored faith and amazingly and most powerfully, love. A heart that’s grown three sizes, at least!
steph’s last blog post..Push Forward or Move Ahead?
@Steph
And now you’re probably like the Grinch, who lifts the sled over his head, and has the strength of TEN GRINCHES.
(Plus two).
Ya-voo Doray! Ya-voo Doray!
Friar’s last blog post..The Happy-Mealer
Amy,
Aw, dang it, you aren’t supposed to get all deep and thankful and metaphysical and sh*t here! Well, after a week of LMAO at WFH, I guess it was about time to come around and heave big sighs, smile, and THINK DEEPLY. Hmpf.
The quotation is wow. Very wow. Your use of it here is wow-er. What a beautiful post. I love your voice, and I know you weren’t fishing, but I would miss it so much if your voice weren’t here (and I have before!). You’re smart, raw, and unafraid. If the keyboard gave you that last, then yahoo.
Your fearless honesty sometimes makes me face things, or rethink things, that I’d rather not, darn you. All the best writers on- and off-line make me identify with them somehow. So I come back to see what you’ll (we’ll) tackle tomorrow.
That, and I’m darned sure there’s been a mixup, and you were supposed to be my little sister. So I gotta look out for you.
So today we’re tackling what the ‘net has given us? I’ve been in forums and chatrooms and the rest for almost 15 years. It gave me my husband, who I’d give back (LOL), except that he gave me my heart, my little person.
It gave me family I never knew, since most of what I’ve written online until the last two years has been genealogical; I’ve traced my family and helped many others trace theirs with lovely results. It helped me reconnect parts of my family who hadn’t known where to find each other for decades. It made my grandmother’s last years more joyous, because the work I did gave her peace.
Since putting the business online, of course it’s had lots of business-y benefits, but the funniest thing is that when I later started blogging, it changed again.
Now it’s as much interpersonal as it is inter-business, and it’s another thing: introspective. I’ve thought so much about what I value, who I am, and all that stuff in the last year—not because of self-help gurus but because in order to write “well, I think…” I have to Know what I think!
It’s not navel-gazing, though, it’s listening to others and letting them guide my thoughts, to who-knows-where next. I haven’t “sat down to learn about ME,” but I’ve had to decide whether I know the definition of me in dribs and drabs, all over the net, one little comment at a time. I’m rather proud, because my conclusion is yes, I do mainly know me. I’m darned comfortable with this chick Kelly, after all.
My 15-year Internet timeline: Goal-oriented, then personal, then goal-oriented, then personal. It’s been lovely ride. I’ve put it down for months here and there. I’m not addicted by any means, but I am absorbed. I have most certainly been transformed, and the last 18 months or so have been the most amazing of all my time on the ‘net. I wonder if the next 18 can be any better.
Lucky me. I’m not always too good at receiving, but the Internet keeps pushing me.
Regards,
Kelly
P.S. Barbie-free tomorrow, right?
Kelly’s last blog post..Liz Strauss Asks for 25 Words About How We’re Connected
Ha!
Holy crap. One of these days your blog is going to boot me for these stupidly long comments. So-rry…
Kelly’s last blog post..Liz Strauss Asks for 25 Words About How We’re Connected
I didn’t realize how much I enjoyed blogging until the day I decided to commit to it. Blogging offered a great platform for me in exploring my creativity through writing and sharing my eye for designs online. Making friends around the blogosphere is a wonderful bonus that came with it! It’s nice to know that we have common friends, even if we have not actually physically met.
Evelyn Lim’s last blog post..What Enneagram Profile Type Am I?
Amy,
I need to gather my thoughts a bit on this. The human condition…..Amy you gather it up and toss it out in a fabulous mixture. I always thought I would live on the left bank of Paris and have fabulous meaningful conversations about life, art, literature and who so and so was sleeping with and where someone ate last night, or did you catch what so and so did or said or thought. You know, culture. Well that happens in New Orleans. But so far it hasn’t happened much in Dallas. I probably am not hanging in the right places yet. But it also happens in certain spots on the nets. Vibrancy does crop up. I need that. So blogging has for me returned a voice, given interaction some much needed life, and has helped me work through trauma. That is no small , or unforgettable thing.
It’s almost like that warm fire we all need. Gather round a bit before traipsing out in the world. Share stories or conversation, exchange information. Whatever it is that renews, or augments what we are about. Yes, virtual community. Not one that necessarily replaces the other, but interlinks with it. So connections. Yes. Continuity too.
Really thoughtful post…like it a lot dear one.
@ Friar: I wish I felt that way!!
steph’s last blog post..Push Forward or Move Ahead?
Allison — That’s definitely another cool thing about it! I love that I’ve been able to meet folks from all over the world. Some of them don’t even hide in holes or under rocks… They just live in places I will probably never travel to in this lifetime. How’s life under your rock this morning?
Michele — Hey! Good to see you.
What rock have you been hiding under? 
I went out with an old friend last night, and we were talking about how most of the people we know online are ones we would probably not have become friends with if we met them in our neighborhood. So I love what you said about all kinds of different folks being able to connect, even though we have very different beliefs etc. Too true. And very cool, it is. 
Matthew — Don’t do it man! It’s scary back there. LOL I think about my nieces and nephews and know they’ll never know a world without internet. I can’t decide whether that’s a bad thing or a good thing.
Steph — Are you sure you didn’t use to work at my old office?
That’s pretty much how I felt when I left. (Hate people. Must become hermit.) Your heart is big now. I like it. 
Kelly — This is how tired I am (from all this thinking). I spent about twenty minutes wondering what the hell WFH stands for.
So yeah, no more thinking. 
I told you before I would be happy to trade the universe one of the sisters I already have so you can be my sister. That deal still stands. I think the universe owes us both one, so it shouldn’t take too much convincing! That is very cool about all the genealogical stuff you’ve been able to do online. Very Capricorn of you. (Heh.) I’m glad it made your grandmother happy. That’s so cool. I had a grandmother who was very into genealogy; she would have loved the internet I think. So many more words came while I was reading your response, but if I write them all down here it might trigger another post, and I’ve already promised a Barbie-free day. I shall send you my thoughts telepathically. (Crack a window in that shiny brain of yours.) 
Evelyn — Friends are a wonderful bonus, indeed. And like you, I’m always amazed to see common friend-threads across the web. When I go to a new blog and see a comment left by someone I know, I always smile.
Janice — I’m always amazed by you and those words of yours.
I’m also always amazed at your ability to adjust to the culture shock between New Orleans and Dallas, and how you’ve survived all you have without going completely batshit crazy. (Your blog is so pretty and calm and comforting to me.) I love what you said about blogging being like that warm fire we all need. That is so SO true. Love it, love it.
Absolutely! Would I have ever visited Canada and been able to meet Brett, Friar, James, Urban Panther or Urbane Lion? Not likely. The same for meeting Lode, or Alex, or you, or Tei, or Wendi, or Nicole, or Harry, or…
The list could go on forever, but the point is, there are so many people I never, ever would have met without the internet.
As for my rock, I’ve unfortunately been dragged out from under it this week. Instead I’m hiding in a cube in the Y! HQ in Sunnyvale, hoping no one realizes I don’t work here and kicks me out! o_O How goes it hiding in your hole this morning?
Allison Day’s last blog post..Caramel-Peanut-Topped Brownie Cake - TWD
For me blogging is all about finding, and using, my own voice. As a professional technical writer I write words all day long. Lots of words. Endless instructions. But none of these sentences or verbs are mine. Click this, enter that…it’s procedural technospeak.
My blog gives me a means to speak authentically. I like who I am when I write my blog. I actually have a sense of humor. Click.
Squawkfox’s last blog post..Recipes: Gross, Easy, and Fun Halloween Foods for Kids
Allison — My hole is chilly and rainy today, but I’m making the most of it. So you’re taking hiding/undercover to a new location, eh? Might make a good reality show. If, you know, reality shows weren’t so fake.
It’s sort of odd to think about probably, but I also think I probably would not have met most of those folks even if they lived in my own town. There are so many bloggers I’ve met online, right in my own city, that I never would have met offline. Hell, as big as the Blogland is, I’m surprised sometimes I’ve even had the chance of meeting them here. 
Squawkfox — I can very much relate to that!! I write very boring/often depressing stuff for my clients. Folks ask me all the time why I bother having this blog, since it’s not here to bring me business and make me money. I tell them it’s cheaper than therapy.
I’m one of those people who think a global community is a good thing.
People who have never had a voice before truly are able to speak out and be heard now.
Matthew Dryden’s last blog post..I Have A Favor To Ask
Hey Matthew,
I completely agree with that. Absolutely.
I do wonder though if all this technology has its downside for kids who are kids right now. My neighbor’s kid has never been to a park. She spends most of her time playing video games. She’s in first or second grade. Yes, this is a parenting problem, if it’s a problem at all; I’m not BLAMING technology. But, it seems like a lot of kids are missing out on a lot of stuff because they spend their days inside the home in front of technology.
But oh well. What can ya do, right? Maybe they’ll be better people than the kids I grew up with. And maybe they won’t break their front teeth out on the monkey bars like I did.
Happy late night blogsurfing! I’m going to bed before 3am tonight. (I’m very determined.)
I’ve been messing around with the blog again, so hopefully I’m not leaving it TOO broken. Too tired to focus anymore, and I’m just making it worse.
What rock am I hiding under? Well, I think you already know! Remember?
It’s kinda a little bit scary. I think I might need to find a new rock to take refuge beneath. Well, this is what life has for me, though, so I suppose I should just run with it, eh? I know… total nonsense to anyone reading this but Amy knows what I’m talking about. hehehe
Ah, as for all the different folks believing all the different things and still being able to get along and be blogging buds… I think it’s great. I have a huge variety of friends in the real world, too. Seriously. I can be around just about anyone. I respect other people and treat them fairly, regardless. I wish everyone would just follow the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you’d have them do unto you. (I know that’s old fashioned, but I still like the concept!)
But, sadly, this world just isn’t that way.
And, I think I wanna cry! What happened to the other template? I like this one, too, but I miss the old one. : -( Guess you woke up feeling… like you needed to spring clean the blog? hehehe
Michele’s last blog post..I’m a Punk Duck at Write-from-Home.com!!!
Hey Michele! I had a feeling that’s where you were. I still miss you, but I totally understand. And I think what you’re doing is way better (and cooler) than hanging around Blogland, so more power to ya.
As for the template change, it was brought to me attention that the background image (the flying paper) was throwing Linux users into a small coma. (Oops.) I couldn’t fix it, try as I might. Decided I would get rid of it. Somehow with the background gone, the header looked really stooopid. I’m considering upgrading to the next version of this template, which means I will lose everything because I edited the CSS in the wrong spot (oops again). So I’m just sorta in limbo. I don’t know why I made the header I did last night. I’m blaming insomnia.
One of these days I might decide to be a grownup and get a real designer in here to do something REALLY cool. But until I’m sure of what I want, that seems kinda pointless. And since what I want seems to change on a bi-weekly basis, I’m not ready to bother yet…
As far as the Golden Rule and friends and such, I have quite a collection myself in real life too. Funny thing is, much as I love these folks separately, they would kill themselves and/or each other if I ever put them all in the same room. I keep joking that my funeral should be interesting.
But you’re right, I don’t think most folks are like us either.
Hope you’re taking pictures.
Ah, I understand about the template. This one is neat, though. I’d stick around, even if you made your template icky brown with globs of purple all over it. (OH NO, hope that doesn’t give you any ideas!) hahahahaaha!!!
Hmmm…. never thought about my funeral… Not sure the variety of folks I know would know what to do in the same room either. Strange thought!
Yeah, most folks aren’t like us. Does that make US weird or THEM??? hehehe
Well, I’m taking pictures but not of what you’d think!
*smiles*
Michele
Michele’s last blog post..I’m a Punk Duck at Write-from-Home.com!!!
I’m pretty sure I’m as weird as it gets. I could be wrong. LOL
I’m going to go find a purple and brown template now, just for you.
Folks used to joke with me that my wedding would be a disaster, having everyone in the same room + alcohol. But I’m so anti-wedding, and that’ll never happen. So funeral is the next default thought. I can’t think of any other reason why I would need everyone I know in a room… Bonus: at least I’ll be too dead to care.
Send pictures please.
Uploading pics now.
Oh, and I can only imagine what the purple/brown template will look like!
Hmmm…. too dead to care? Maybe you’ll know what’s going on after all. If you do know about someone causing trouble at your funeral, tap ‘em on the shoulder and spook ‘em! hehehe
*smiles*
Michele
Michele’s last blog post..I’m a Punk Duck at Write-from-Home.com!!!
I met my best friend online. That changed my life forever. I met her at a time when I needed and was looking for a mentor, but she became so much more than that. She took me under her wing and before long, we had a blossoming, beautiful friendship.
Michele — I could have sworn I responded to this, but maybe I’m thinking of your email? I’m losing what little’s left of my mind over here.
Oh, and I will TOTALLY be haunting some folks. Hehehe.
Hope — That’s such a sweet story.
Funny how life works out like that, isn’t it?
Please do comment and discuss.
We love a good conversation!
Please use a name when commenting. Does not have to be your real name or full name. But responding to folks calling themselves "Make Money Writing Online" and such kinda sucks. Calling yourself keywords will likely get you thrown into my spam filter.