Apr
3
HELP: an Acronym, a Tall Order
Filed Under writing from home
According to my new favorite site acronymfinder.com, there are over 200 acronyms for HELP. My favorites have got to be Hilltop Emergent Literacy Program, Highly Effective Law Paradigm, Health Ethics Law and Politics, and Hire Education Loan Program. Oh but wait… what could possibly top Hydraulic Evaluation of Landfill Performance? How about High Efficiency Liquid Phase? Yes, High Efficiency Liquid Phase sounds like the place I go to mentally when I need HELP the most. That’s got to be the winner.
Seriously though, why is it so hard to ask for help? Not just in work-life, but in life-life. Is it because we fear we’ll be viewed as inadequate? Are we just stubborn? Do we feel we must carry the burden until we break?
For me, it’s a combination of all those things. I like my clients to see me as the superhero with the spiffy cape. I’m thrilled to get the phone calls that go “so-and-so told me you’re the best there is.” I am secretly thrilled when they email me at 3am, because I know it means they need me.
Sure, I like job security. I like having a roof and food and all that. But right now, I’m not in any foreseeable danger of losing what I have. At this point, although I’d be sad to lose any client, they’re all replaceable. I could check out for two months and lay on a beach someplace and probably still come back to at least a few folks who’d want me back. And if not, I know how to find more.
I don’t say this to be a pompous ass, but because I want to illustrate my stupidity properly. I am an idiot. Please understand.
I bury myself in work not because I need to financially but because I am a workaholic. Some people have kinky fetishes or guilty pleasures. I have lawyers.
There is no valid method behind my madness. I hoard work away for the same reason I’ve never thrown away a single tax document ever: I’m obsessive-compulsive.
Well, my recent mono debacle coupled with the stress of quitting smoking have come together to drag my little butt to the ground. I’ve had to break down and ask for help.
I’ve trimmed my client list in the past, but I’ve always let it pile up again. Or I’ll agree to take on extra work for existing clients. Or I’ll accept another volunteer writing project, because I’m a sucker for charity.
This time, I’m learning from my mistakes. I’m planning better. I’m more committed to getting it right.
Over the past few weeks, I’ve started referring new prospective clients out to a few folks I know who do what I do. I’d hoped that would be enough, but unfortunately it isn’t going to cut it. So I’ve decided to pull a Pen Men and take on a partner. I realized the reason I’m so blindly jealous of them is because I want what they have. Yesterday, on the long long LONG train ride home from the city I asked myself, “Why do I think I can’t have that?”
And I answered myself (yes, I do that), “Because you’re a control freak who doesn’t play well with others.”
“But but but,” I begged to differ, “James can do it.”
“Okaaay,” I answered. “You can try it.”
And so, the brainstorming began. By this morning, I’d confirmed that there is in fact someone stupid brave enough to endure my insanity. Today, we divvied up the lawyer blogs in a way that won’t make either of us crazy.
She won’t be posting here. So this announcement is really all about me and has nothing to do with this blog. But for those of you who have been worried that my frequent meltdowns might spill over into a Handgun Epidemic Lowering Plan or a Hazardous Emergency Leak Procedure, rest assured. I have pressed the big red button.
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76 Responses to “HELP: an Acronym, a Tall Order”
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About Amy Derby
Formerly a corporate paralegal, I ditched the pantyhose to begin freelancing in 2004. I enjoy long walks to the coffee maker, never setting an alarm clock, and not wearing a bra to the (home) office. I can be reached at amy.derby (at) gmail.com.
Amy,
Funny and dead-on. Get Harry a big red button, because as I’m reading quickly before leaving for work I see that he Still Hasn’t Found What He’s Looking For. Must be the Friday-ness of it all, everyone’s talking about cutting a little loose!
Those acronyms are great. I hope to get to the High Efficiency Liquid Phase in about eight or nine hours, but for now I’ve got to go don The Suit.
Regards,
Kelly
Kelly’s last blog post..Road Trip: Guest Post at Big Bright Bulb
Amy, I loved this one today, it almost brought tears to my eyes from the laughing…
Asking for help is not always easy, but it sure is liberating when you finally do it and get to breathe.
Here’s one from the cook:
HELP - “HEllo ‘Lady’, let’s Play”
(the cook says “lady”, blondies are kissed and waiting for the weekend, as am I…)
Brett Legree’s last blog post..the power of one.
Amy.
High Efficiency Liquid Phase??
That’s it…Im making a sign and hanging that over my bar. Then I’m heading there tonight.
The definition of SMART Is surrounding yourself with people smart enough to be what you need. You need a partner and you got one.
Good for you miss Smarty-pants!
Really, only the two year olds can “Do it by themselves”
the rest of us all need a little H.E.L.P. now and then!
Wendi Kelly’s last blog post..Stop and Smell the Goodness
James can do just about anything… but there are consequences. So with your new partner (congratulations!), please search on “partnership” at our blog and read our five part series on Partnerships and the additional partnership post that set it all off.
The ability to talk openly and separate friendship from business is key.
James Chartrand - Men with Pens’s last blog post..Why Web Workers Should Indulge in Guilty Pleasures
Hi, Amy -
Congrats and best of luck with the new gal!
It’s always nice to have someone to bounce ideas off of and brainstorm with. Because who doesn’t need a little Hydraulic Evaluation of Landfill Performance every now and again?
Rebecca
Rebecca Smith’s last blog post..You talkin’ to me?
@Kelly - Oh Suited One, I hadn’t equated High Efficiency Liquid Phase with drunkenness, but that’s very funny! I was thinking more along the lines of brain turning to mush… Maybe your way is better.
@Brett - Good morning friend! Even though you’ve been up half the day already…
I like the cook’s acronym best of all. I am making a poster of that for my wall. 
@Wendi - LOL @ making a sign. Hehehehe. If you really do that, please send me a photo. That is too funny!!! Oh, and I like your definition of smart. I seriously DO act like a two year old sometimes!
@James - Thanks friend. I will definitely read those. In fact, I’m going to do it now so I won’t forget.
@Rebecca - Thanks for stopping by! I finally did add your blog to my “blogroll” of sorts. Only I created a separate page (up top) to list them all. I read too many blogs.
But you’re on there! I didn’t forget!! 
Amy,
For just a day, I am Queen of Customer Consciousness (see Big Bright Bulb). I’ve been promoted. May have to lay off the HELP to keep the job, I haven’t read all the requirements…
I’d love to see that sign! Ha!
Until later,
Kelly
Kelly’s last blog post..Road Trip: Guest Post at Big Bright Bulb
Kelly, I will go check out your crown right now!
@ Amy, yes, I’ve been up and moving for almost 8 hours… yikes…
I’m glad you liked the cook’s take on HELP
@ Wendi, that one was classic, I think I need that sign too!
Brett Legree’s last blog post..the power of one.
Amy,
I took your advice (?) and went out with a friend for a little HELP. You are a wise woman. A week of racing just peeled away.
Never, never leave an Irishwoman room to make a joke about drinking.
Regards,
Kelly
Kelly’s last blog post..Road Trip: Guest Post at Big Bright Bulb
I’m having visions of you getting pulled over formdrunk driving and saying “but Amy told me to” ….
Brett - I just now saw your comment. LOL I need a nap!! Kiss the blondies!!
@ Amy, that’s okay, I know how you feel - I’m wiped too and the insomniac in me will probably lose out tonight
the blondies have all been kissed and are sleeping soundly. Cuties…
Brett Legree’s last blog post..the power of one.
@Kelly
This Irishwoman is way ahead of you..my HELP sign was hung this morning.
Martini anyone?
Wendi Kelly’s last blog post..Stop and Smell the Goodness
Brett - I could probably fall asleep now. But then I’d be up again by midnight for the day. Hope you have a good night. Take more pictures his weekend!!
Wendi - did you really make that sign??? LOL!
ok truth…
I made a pen and ink of it. I can’t decide if I want to do it in wood,which I would need to do with my partner=husband or paint it..but I love the idea and I am going to do something with it….
so it will get hung one way or another..
and I am drinking the martini…..
Wendi Kelly’s last blog post..Stop and Smell the Goodness
Amy - I hear you… hang on as long as you can!
I’ll be taking some pictures tomorrow, I promised you pictures of the cook and the dreamer sitting side-by-side (Owen, the curly-haired one, is the dreamer).
You have a great night too - I’ll be up for a while yet, my friend…
Brett Legree’s last blog post..the power of one.
Amy,
No, darlin,’ not a stupid Irishwoman, just relaxed. Non-addictive personality here. I got to leave The Suit behind rather early today, and had a nice early evening.
I’m terribly sorry to making drinking jokes in a dry town but the acronym just killed me.
(Wendi Kelly, a fine Irish name. I have cousins who are Kellys. My fine Irish name is hiding under this annoying noose of a married name.)
Later,
Kelly
Kelly’s last blog post..Road Trip: Guest Post at Big Bright Bulb
Wendi- that rocks. Hehehehehe. That cracks me up. I don’t drink anymore, but have a martini for me!!!
Brett - I do need a pic of ian and owen so I can compare if they really do look alike or if I am just nuts!
Kelly - all my Irish family gets pulled over all the time! It always amuses me the things they come up with… That’s why I pictured that!!
@ Amy: will do then - I think you’ll like the pic, and you’ll see they do look very much alike, but different all the same…
I think I know why we all get along here, we all have Irish blood.
I’m half Irish, and (mostly) half French-Canadian, with a dash of Algonquin in me (a very small dash, no special tax breaks for me)… a friend of mine used to say, “that’s why you’re an asshole whether you’re sober or drunk!”
I think he was smiling when he said it… right Francis?
Brett Legree’s last blog post..the power of one.
oh Brett, Now you’ve gone and explained it. I have Italian on one side and Irish on the other, except for a french canadian grandmother who snuck in there somwhere…So she was the problem eh???
Wendi Kelly’s last blog post..Stop and Smell the Goodness
Hmm.. I have no French or Canadian.
Amy,
I sympathize. My own extendeds have kept many an officer amused between 11pm and 2am. (”I’m just a bit sleepy, really.”) Eek. Large family, many sleepy uncles, cousins… in several states. Lifelong lessons, there.
Later…
Kelly’s last blog post..Road Trip: Guest Post at Big Bright Bulb
@ Amy: the Irish part is what provides the feist and the fire… so you have it where it counts
besides if you move to Canada you’ll be made an honourary Canadian
(and you’ll have to spell honorary as honourary then!)
Brett Legree’s last blog post..the power of one.
Kelly - there is a Jeff Foxworthy joke where he talks about a redneck pulling a boat and a waterskiier down the road and getting pulled over for drunk driving. That would be how things go for my extended family. Fortunately there are so many if them that they entertain themselves quite well without me at family functions…
Brett - being dyslexic, I don’t spell very well, so I often add extra vowels to words anyway.
Amy, don’t worry, just tell iPhone you’re in Canada and it will autocorrect for you
Brett Legree’s last blog post..the power of one.
Amy!
I am dyslexic too!
The big secret of being a writer!
I didn’t know there were others! One of the reasons I left the cubicle world..My boss was horrified.
Wendi Kelly’s last blog post..Stop and Smell the Goodness
Wendi - I can sympathize. Lawyers didn’t like that much either.
Brett - I wonder if that would work! LOL
Yeah, option #2 is closer to the truth…
Brett Legree’s last blog post..the power of one.
@Brett
Cann it be Both?
ADHD and corp droids don’t go together well.
Wendi Kelly’s last blog post..Stop and Smell the Goodness
@ Wendi,
Oh, it is a combination of the two for sure, in all seriousness. Plus I have a very low tolerance for hypocrisy, and our company is a hypocrite factory.
If I told all there is to tell in a public forum, it would make international news, and I’d probably be executed for treason…
Brett Legree’s last blog post..the power of one.
Lmao @ hypocrite factory
Hypocrite factory, oh that’s rich. There’s a post hiding in there somewhere.
Kelly’s last blog post..Road Trip: Guest Post at Big Bright Bulb
LOL Kelly!! I thought that too.
Brett Legree’s last blog post..the power of one.
Gotta have a blog without you name on it. Like my quitting smoking blog.
Of course, please feel free to post it first… I’m sure anyone who’s worked for “the man” has been there.
The 5-hour meetings where people making twice or three times (or more) what you make discuss the nuances of the words “shall” versus “should”…
eyes + icepicks = salvation
Brett Legree’s last blog post..the power of one.
I will leave it to you, my friend. I already did my Corporate Mentality post…
I’ve been thinking that. I’ll eventually be like you, with several blogs. That way, always something to write about!
Brett Legree’s last blog post..the power of one.
Having multiple personalities is always fun!!!!
I agree…
I think we all do, just some folks are better at hiding it than others!
Brett Legree’s last blog post..the power of one.
Maybe I should try hiding it? LOL
Ah, that’s how you do it, Brett. You guest-post say, here (aren’t I nice to offer) and you just use your initials or something. Of course then there’s no announcing it on your blog, which presents those nasty “do I want to say it or do I want traffic” dilemmas.
Shall, definitely shall. No 5 hours meetings necessary.
Kelly’s last blog post..Road Trip: Guest Post at Big Bright Bulb
@ Amy: nah, don’t hide it, that’s what makes you interesting and fun
@ Kelly: hmm, that’s a good idea, we can guest post at other places so as to get the controversial topics out in the open.
I agree with you wholeheartedly. Shall.
Brett Legree’s last blog post..the power of one.
That’s a good idea about the guest post! You can even post under a fake name. Like … What was that funny gig email you made up? I’m so tired…..
Gig4Hire1969@aol.com
Yes, that’s Gig4Hire1969@aol.com
1-900-GIG-4HIR
Our lines are open 24 hours a day. AMEX, Visa, Diners Club accepted.
Oh, and coffee too. You can pay with coffee.
Brett Legree’s last blog post..the power of one.
*falls off bed laughing*
Brett Legree’s last blog post..the power of one.
Yes me too. Giddy and clumsy. That hurt. LOL
Next time we’re up chatting you’ll have to lie on the floor then… if I can make you fall off the floor, I have a future in stand-up
Brett Legree’s last blog post..the power of one.
There is very little room on the floor. I could lay in a clothes pile!!
Oh, that’s it. Gig4Hire1969. The ultimate in-joke, plus you get to tell all the nuclear secrets you want. It’s really just a Dilbert-rant you’re looking for, secrets of nuclear people, not nukes, so Amy won’t get arrested or anything…
You know these comments are now being watched by five international agencies.
Must go to bed.
Be very funny while I sleep, so I can wake up the neighbors laughing at 6 am tomorrow.
Kelly’s last blog post..Road Trip: Guest Post at Big Bright Bulb
Sounds like our basement… sanctuary in a clothes pile!
Brett Legree’s last blog post..the power of one.
I think I hear the helicopters coming for me now…
Sadly, I think I’m going to turn in also. I could chat here all night, but I’ve picked up a touch of the cold that all the droids have brought to work this week.
People. Stay. Home. Please.
So I took some ginseng and we’ll see if that helps… if nothing else it will make Gig4Hire1969 feel “manly” LOL
Brett Legree’s last blog post..the power of one.
My life is a basement! LOL
I’m going to lay down too. And stare at the ceiling for a while.
Night all.
*blows kisses to proper authorities*
Enjoy the horizontal, my friend - talk with you soon
- Gig
Brett Legree’s last blog post..the power of one.
Feel better Brett!!
I’m glad you’ve asked for help, Amy. I think it’s a smart move. Hopefully this will help bring balance and improved health your way.
Here’s to great days ahead!
Smiles,
Michele
Hey Michele! Thanks! Hope you are doing ok.
Amy, thanks for making me laugh with this post today. I think taking on a partner is a great idea and I also agree that it sounds scary. The Pen Men are inspiring aren’t they?
Melissa Donovan’s last blog post..April Announcements
[…] HELP: an Acronym, a Tall Order […]
@ Amy: thanks for the well wishes! Cook says “lady”…
It’s just a cold I think so I’ll get some “extra” sleep tonight (go for 5 hours LOL)
Hope you are having a good day - Brett
Brett Legree’s last blog post..the view from the other side.
Amy,
Tried to e-mail you to congratulate you on your win in the March Madness blog tournament at Writer’s Resource Center, but my e-mail came back undeliverable. So thought I’d offer my congratulations here! Great showing! How exciting that you’re moving on to the next round!
Wish me luck, as Writer’s Notes is up next, and I’ve been having some formatting issues which have forced me to use a template configuration I don’t like. The issue could be resolved in time, but I’m not counting on it.
Best of luck to you!
Jeanne
I won something? Cool. I will have to check this out…
Thanks Jeanne!! My old email address died.
Good luck to you in this contest… Guess I will have to read John’s blog a little more regularly!!
Amy,
I thought your blog was very good! I am terrible about asking for help when I know I should! It was nice to know I’m not the only idiot out there! I think I am going to have to look up the acronyms for H.E.L.P. and find a fun one!
Keep up the good work! I’ll be checking back often!
Amy,
Didn’t know you weren’t even aware that you’d been entered into the blog tournament! Glad I decided to stop by to congratulate you! Who knows how long it might have taken you to find out!
I probably wouldn’t have known that my blog had been entered either if I didn’t belong to Technorati, because that’s how I discovered John’s link to my blog. Technorati does come in handy that way. It’s a great way to find out who’s linking to you.
Congratulations, once again, on moving to the next round! And good luck during the remainder of the tournament!
Jeanne
Jenny - I am happy you stopped by! There are some fun ones for HELP, definitely!!! Let me know if you find any more classics I might have missed.
Jeanne - I have been a bit preoccupied lately, but I usually do read John’s blog at least once or twice a week. I like his sense of humor.
I can’t say I understand sports, so I am sure I missed the real humor behind some of those references, but it was nice to see his feedback about the blog. Guess I need to stay on top of my incoming links a bit more. Thanks again for letting me know about it, and for the congratulations!! Good luck to you also!! 
Hey Amy,
Glad to hear you won’t be swamped anymore. Maybe?! I am happy to announce that your site is no longer being squished to the sides of my monitor. Must have been Harold’s good deed of the day to fix it for IE7. Doesn’t that sound like an aliens name?
Ellen Wilson’s last blog post..Writing the Wild Within: Part 2 - Predator and Prey
Hey Ellen - Yes, Harry did fix the IE problem. And yes, it DOES sound like an alien.
I am less busy work-wise now, but unfortunately other unfortunate life matters have me extra busy at the moment. It’s always something, isn’t it??
Yes, I heard. Hope you’re doing okay. A little cig…well, you know. No one’s perfect.
I’m going to read some of your other stuff on your blog now…
Ellen Wilson’s last blog post..Writing the Wild Within: Part 2 - Predator and Prey
Nah, not worried about the cigarette. It’s my mom I’m worried about. But I’m sure you read all about it.
Knock yourself out. I’ll be back around more by the end of the week probably.
Sorry to hear about your mom. Hope she’s much better soon! She’s in my prayers (you are too).
Blessings,
Michele
[…] HELP last week was a wise move. Came just in time for the personal meltdown and family tragedies which […]