Mar
19
Don’t Pick Your Nose In Public, and Other Manners Your Mother Should Have Taught You
Filed Under writing from home
From pointing out a job poster’s bad grammar to flaming people running contests, it seems the Freelance Ship is sinking to new lows. It’s to the point where I’m ashamed to call myself a freelancer in some circles, because I know I’ll get the looks that say, “We know your type. Stay far far away from us.”
We all make mistakes. We say something we think is funny, and it gets taken the wrong way. Our sarcasm bites us in the butt. What was meant as a helpful suggestion comes off as cocky, and we look like jerks. That’s not what I’m talking about.
What I’m talking about is writing to me to tell me my blog posts have typing and grammatical errors, and that I should hire you as a proofreader because you’ve “worked with a lot of people way worse off” than me. If you’d been nice, I might have considered you. I didn’t place an ad for a proofreader, but I’m always more than open-minded when a fellow freelancer offers advice or pitches services. However, calling me stupid isn’t a good way to make me want to hire you.
I’m talking about people who post ridiculously uncalled for comments on blogs. Don’t like an ad-poster’s rate? Don’t apply. Do we need to make a public flogging out of it? Don’t think the blogger is qualified to walk on two feet, let alone post about it? Read a different blog. There are millions to choose from. There is no need for trash talk and public insults.
I’m talking about responding to rejection letters with an obnoxious note calling the editor a dumbass, bragging that you will be the next Oprah and won’t everyone be sorry then.
I’m talking about picking your nose and flicking it across the interwebs, as though you find your bodily functions amusing and think the rest of us will too.
I’m talking about the kind of behavior that wouldn’t be acceptable if you were in a client’s office or a blogger’s living room.
I know kindergarten kids who have more manners than many of the freelancers I’ve come in contact with on the web. Maybe the false security blanket of anonymity on the internet breeds audacity; I don’t know.
What I do know is that you’re making yourselves, and the rest of us by association, look bad. Your insults aren’t putting an end to the drop in market rates. Your rants aren’t ridding the web of bad content. Your high-horse tactics aren’t convincing anyone to get that fab book of yours to the front of the production line. You’re just making yourself look like a spoiled toddler whose mommy hands him lollipops every time he throws a tantrum. In the real world, fits won’t get you candy.
Life is too short for pettiness. Our careers are too valuable to be ruined in a streak of blatant bad-assness.
Think before you type.
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44 Responses to “Don’t Pick Your Nose In Public, and Other Manners Your Mother Should Have Taught You”
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About Amy Derby
Formerly a corporate paralegal, I ditched the pantyhose to begin freelancing in 2004. I enjoy long walks to the coffee maker, never setting an alarm clock, and not wearing a bra to the (home) office. I can be reached at amy.derby (at) gmail.com.
I admire you even more now.
You go girl!
YES! Yes, yes, yes.
There are some damned rude arTEESTEs out there, and boy oh boy, I sure don’t support lofty stuck-in-the-air noses.
You tell ‘em, Amy.
I’d tell ‘em myself, but you don’t have subscribe to comments, so I can’t put down an open invitation for a booger-flicking war. Shame. I would’ve had fun.
@ Michele - Hehe. Thanks.
@ James - Sorry, dude. I’d have loved to see that… Blogger does seriously suck in that regard. You can subscribe to comments by feed if you wanted to:
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@ Amy: Oh, and I forgot to mention my jaw fell to the floor as I was reading this post. I just can’t believe the e-mails you get. I’ve learned a valuable lesson from you too. The delete button is awfully peaceful.
Chin up, loads of us think you’re awesome!
I do love that delete button!! It’s much friendlier than the stuff I’d say if I typed a reply…..
If you think mine is bad you should read some of the stuff people comment at some of the blogs I visit (probably ones you do too). I just thank god I’m not very popular. I’d probably have a whole lot more hate mail then!!!!
This is exactly why I don’t do message boards anymore. Catty backstabbing, people saying whatever they want behind the glass screens. If I won’t say it to someone’s face I don’t say it at all. Socializing with these people wears me down. Like Michele, I about died when I saw what someone emailed you. If I get to that point shoot me. I will even give you the gun.
Ang, you know how anti-gun I am. I might water-gun you though. How’s that?
The general lack of professionalism really does give freelancers a bad image.
Fortunately there are courteous and polished freelancers like you to help balance things out.
I’m not always all that polished, but I do try not to be a total jackass.
Thanks for stopping by!!
It’s not so much what people say as how they say it. I’ve had people email me to tell me there was a typo on my blog (of course they weren’t trying to get me to hire them) and I quite appreciated it.
On the other hand, I’ve received rude emails from people saying the exact same thing. “You have a typo and you call yourself a writer…”
I do think there are occasions when an opposing viewpoint is called for. There’s nothing wrong with telling someone they are cheapening the writing trade by offering $1 per article, but disagreeing or correcting others does not imply a license to throw tact out the window.
Great topic Amy!
Melissa, that is exactly how I feel. Manners matter. Insulting others gets no one anywhere. I’m so sick of seeing people be nasty to each other.
Personally I can’t ever think of an appropriate time to point out a job poster’s errors. Would someone go on an interview and say, “That shirt doesn’t really match those shoes. Just so you know.”??? I wouldn’t.
Amy, I once had a client whose web site was peppered with grammatical errors. I kept wanting to say something but it just felt wrong. I didn’t want to offend the client! Now, it kind of haunts me and I feel like I didn’t quite do my job by not mentioning it.
For another client, I did mention that I had spotted some errors on the site, and not only was the client grateful, I got another job editing the site copy.
Not the same as a correcting a job poster, I know. I guess my point is that it can be a difficult call to make. I mean, do they want the errors there for all to see? Probably not. If you, the pro writer don’t point them out, who will? Tough call.
For a client’s site, I’d do it, cordially of course.
For an ad, I wouldn’t. If it was so bad I felt the need to correct it, then it is probably not someone I want to work for.
Amy, if someone gives you a hard time again, I’ll sick my kids on them for you… never underestimate the power of four kids.
(I love having my own personal army. No guns required. Tickling is more than enough.)
PS - good post today. I’m with you, why do people decide that manners can go out the window online?
Last time I checked, the golden rule applied here too.
So in honour of that - thank you for a great post. Keep up the good work.
love it!
(from a quiet lurker who knows how to use proper caps and punctuation but who chooses not to
@ Brett - Tripple power of three four year olds — that would come in so handy!!!! Glad you liked the post.
@ wh - at least u don’t talk like dis (friggen iPhone fixed some of that, the bastards) l8r
Amy, you can borrow them any time - they’re cute (you’ve seen them so can attest to this) *and* they are a force to be feared…
“toy cleanup time” is pretty scary, it’s like watching a swarm or something!
PS your post about Recovering Corporate American was enjoyed by all who saw it at work (hard copy - hopefully some will visit your blog)
I will make a mental note to be on the lookout for any nuclear types…
Your kids are VERY cute. Maybe I could just cute people into playing nice if I had your pack around?
It’s easy to spot us, everything we touch glows in the dark… so just turn down the brightness on your display and look for the glowing text.
Thank you. They take after “mom”, she has the blonde hair and blue eyes… yes, you could do that, I think you could cute people into playing nice just by saying you know someone with four kids for hire!
That’s too funny. My niece is on a glow in the dark kick. It started with a skeleton shirt on Halloween clearance, and now the kid has swiped a bunch of my old glow worm toys. (rememer those?) She also has stars on the ceiling that light up and planets or rockets or somthing. They are stickers I think. Great for the paint job…
Yes, I will try to cute them with your kids. I was white/blond at that age too. Still pale as hell, but the hair got darker.
Cuteness power. *flashes photo of Brett’s babies*
You do need an editor. Your blog is chalk full of errors when you yourself claim to be an authority on writing. Deb needs an editor even worse than you do. You both are hypocrities.
NF, thank you for your opinion. I’m still not hiring you.
Re authority, I don’t proclaim to be an authority on writing or on anything else. What I write here is my own experience and opinion.
Feel free to come back and insult me as much as you’d like, but please refrain from insulting other bloggers in your comments here.
Wow. “Somebody” forgot the rule, that is ‘if you don’t have something nice to say…’
Oh well. *I* think Amy’s blog is awesome and I never noticed anything wrong with it.
So there.
@ Amy - you rule, your blog rules, and your book rules too (still reading…)
Pssst, Brett. Don’t feed the scapegoats.
Re the manuscript, I’d be seriously worried about you if you’d already finished it. Or jealous, rather, because I’d think you’d found one of those neat caffeine IV drips I’ve been wanting…
Oh I know, I couldn’t resist…
I’ll send you the plans for my caffeine IV drip tonight LOL don’t worry it isn’t nuclear powered!
I know. Those cute furry animals at the petting zoo are alluring too, till ya find out they carry E. coli.
And no, no nuclear. I can barely do HTML.
to Amy:
I couldn’t agree more about the toddler mentality. I, like someone said above, stay out of the forum boards and distribution lists due to this. A shame, it is, but some of us have work to do. We browse online to learn and to interact with civil adults, not to fling boogers with babies.
to newsflash:
I am surprised Amy let your comment through, but since she did I can’t resist defending her. She has gone out of her way in emails and even over the phone a few times to answer my questions and help me out. She has sent work my way, has pointed me to better qualified resources when she doesn’t have answers, and has helped me build a life where I can work at home with my kids. She might not be the best writer or the most experienced, but she excels in her niche and is nice enough to share with others. I read her blog every day, and even though I don’t usually comment I always get something out of it. You are a prime example illustrating the points made here. You make you and only you look like a fool.
Laura, thanks for your kind words. I do try to play nice. Although I usually delete jackassedness, I let this one through only because I know it is the same person who contacted me about proofreading/editing my blog. I anonymously insulted her in my post, so turn about is fair play — hey, it works for three year olds. I didn’t consider this before you mentioned it, but you’re right that it illustrates my point. So goody. A 2-for-1 special here at the Manner Manor. I’ll email you back on the other stuff from the train.
@ Laura:
I couldn’t agree more. I love Amy. She’s a true gem in the freelance writing and blogging world and even the world in general. I think it’s hideous that someone can’t find something better to do with their time than insult, try to humiliate, and harass someone as real, loyal, and genuine as Amy!
@ newsflash:
You need to spend more time studying. That will give you something to do besides bash Amy for typos or errors. It will also help you learn how to spell hypocrites (your spelling: hypocrities).
Like John Stossel says: Please, give me a break!
@Anon - thank you, whoever you are.
*bangs head repeatedly to get the “Gimme a Break” theme song out*
@ newsflash
Since we’re correcting people, it’s chock full. Grrr.
Amy,
Thanks for putting me on the blogroll. Your writing is great here.
I get the critics once in a while. One in particular likes to email me “better” definitions of words. And he/she is wrong, not just because it’s my blog and I say so but because he/she doesn’t know a thing. Typical, but at least not heckling in the comments, which is like driving a red sportscar to hide the fact that you have a small… feeling of self-worth. How else to beef up your own ego than by tearing somebody else down?
The New Bullies… folks who hide behind cyber-anonymity to get a thrill from trying to be know-it-alls. Usually, they know very little, or they’d use their own name, have their own blog, and we could all go heckle them.
Regards,
Kelly
Hey Kelly. Thanks for stopping by. The typos (e.g., hypocroties, chalk) were newsflash’s clever way of pointing out my typos from previous posts. She did this in her “pitch” email to me to.
It’s not that I don’t know how to type or use proper grammar/word choice, it’s that I’m often typing my posts on an iphone. Tiny box, no spellcheck, and an autocorrect feature that changes words to other words as I start typing them (it thinks it’s “smart” — kinda like your autoresponder rant)… If this were a client’s blog, I’d be damn sure there weren’t errors. Since it’s my own blog, and no one’s paying me to write it, people dreadfully annoyed by typos will just have to learn to live with it… or find something else to read. I only have so much time and patience.
I agree with you about the bullies. And about the red sports car thing. I call it Mercedes Syndrome (lawyer world term), but it’s the same concept as the red sportscar.
Oh, and I love your blog. Now that you’re in my sidebar I’ll even remember to read it!
Hey newsflash, here’s a newsflash for you:
CHALK is a soft, white, powdery limestone consisting chiefly of fossil shells of foraminifers.
CHOCK, on the other hand, means as close or tight as possible: chock against the edge, or chock full of errors.
Who needs an editor now?
-Melissa Donovan
@ Amy,
Well, you do the HTML, I’ll do the nuclear then!
Wow, I’ve enjoyed reading the comments back, NF should be back under his rock by now (and I know it is a “him”, a “her” would be too smart to do this sort of thing - take it from me, I’m a “him”… perhaps smarter than the average “him”, but so many “hims” are just jerks online…)
Amy, I’m not sure what I’ve enjoyed reading more…this post, or all the comments. Am I the only one that reads what everyone contributes?
I’m glad that you have been rightfully defended. I almost thought that newsflash was kidding…but that would be too easy.
Keep up the good work girl!
@ Brett - it is a her. Sorry.
@ Grandy - I try to read them all… Easy would just be so boring!!
@ Amy, well then I am surprised
NEWSFLASH! GRAMMAR NAZI POLICE AT BAY! BLOGGERS TAKE TO THE HILLS…
A small expose from a smaller mind…
“Hmmm… Let me see… how many mistakes can I find in this post now. Because if I do, that’ll make me feel way more important about myself. I have really low self-esteem and small balls, and the only way I can get an edge in the world is to run around insulting people.
Oh, look. There’s another one to insult! TWO! TWO in one day! YES! Who CARES about the point or the idea or the concept or the opinion or view! I have found A MISSING COMMA!
Oh joy, my life is complete now. Wait… I’ll leave a really rude insult. That’ll top my day off! How about THIS and THIS! Take THAT, beeotch!
*evil cackling*, curtain close.
Good cripes. You’d think people have better things to do than to run around insulting others to better themselves. How stupid.
Cheers, Amy and Deb. You rock.
James, this is SO funny. I’ve read it about three times, and I still don’t know what to say, other than thanks for making me laugh. You rock right back.
That is funny, James. I think it’s sad too. Amy is such a creative, unique soul and has such knowledge to share with everyone. The bonus is her amazing humor and the community that’s been growing here for some time. In my eyes, the web wouldn’t be the same without her!
I agree with Amy, though. That was quite a comment! It’s definitely one folks will find themselves reading again and again.
Oh, Amy, I almost forgot to tell you the photo you chose is the icing on this layered cake! The post was out of this world and the comments have been a hoot, but I’ve giggled at the photo every time I see it!
Have a great day everyone!
Smiles,
Michele
I know I have already commented here, but I just want to reiterate how truly sad I think this is. Lots of people ask me - including Amy - why I don’t have a blog. Well this is why. If someone came to my blog and posted some of the obscenities Amy has filtered from the comments here, so as to keep her readers from vomiting I’m sure, I don’t think I’d handle it so gracefully. Granted I’m hormonal and fat with a couple of babies, but even on my nicest day this kind of b.s would not sit well with me. My three-year-old says the word poopoohead, and she gets punished. Is this what bloggers have to do? Sit around monitoring comments, putting people in corners, giving the 1-2-3 warning and taking away the toys? So sad.
@Michele - He’s a funny guy, that James.
I’m glad you like the photo. It was from a stock photography site, but I can’t remember which one… It makes me laugh too, and I’ve looked at this post a whole lot of times now!!
@Everyone - to clarify what Angie is talking about re the filtered comments, I deleted a few comments by newsflash. She couldn’t insult me without throwing other names into the mix, so I deleted those comments. She was warned. And although I don’t find the c-word as offensive as some folks probably do, she wasn’t satisfied to sling it only at me, so that comment had to go. My rule is insult me all you want, but don’t drag others into it. Call my fellow bloggers or my readers nasty names, and I will delete those comments. Unfortunately, I can’t just go in and edit out the bad words. Blogger’s system is “approve” or “delete” — there is no in between.
[…] Don’t Pick Your Nose In Public, and Other Manners Your Mother Should Have Taught You […]
Duuuuuude. i didn’t know editors could be jerks… (JK!!!) But, see, the delete button doesn’t work for me…if someones an a** i type one thing…
it’s a naughty word…
lol.