
According to my new favorite site acronymfinder.com, there are over 200 acronyms for HELP. My favorites have got to be Hilltop Emergent Literacy Program, Highly Effective Law Paradigm, Health Ethics Law and Politics, and Hire Education Loan Program. Oh but wait… what could possibly top Hydraulic Evaluation of Landfill Performance? How about High Efficiency Liquid Phase? Yes, High Efficiency Liquid Phase sounds like the place I go to mentally when I need HELP the most. That’s got to be the winner.
Seriously though, why is it so hard to ask for help? Not just in work-life, but in life-life. Is it because we fear we’ll be viewed as inadequate? Are we just stubborn? Do we feel we must carry the burden until we break?
For me, it’s a combination of all those things. I like my clients to see me as the superhero with the spiffy cape. I’m thrilled to get the phone calls that go “so-and-so told me you’re the best there is.” I am secretly thrilled when they email me at 3am, because I know it means they need me.
Sure, I like job security. I like having a roof and food and all that. But right now, I’m not in any foreseeable danger of losing what I have. At this point, although I’d be sad to lose any client, they’re all replaceable. I could check out for two months and lay on a beach someplace and probably still come back to at least a few folks who’d want me back. And if not, I know how to find more.
I don’t say this to be a pompous ass, but because I want to illustrate my stupidity properly. I am an idiot. Please understand.
I bury myself in work not because I need to financially but because I am a workaholic. Some people have kinky fetishes or guilty pleasures. I have lawyers.
There is no valid method behind my madness. I hoard work away for the same reason I’ve never thrown away a single tax document ever: I’m obsessive-compulsive.
Well, my recent mono debacle coupled with the stress of quitting smoking have come together to drag my little butt to the ground. I’ve had to break down and ask for help.
I’ve trimmed my client list in the past, but I’ve always let it pile up again. Or I’ll agree to take on extra work for existing clients. Or I’ll accept another volunteer writing project, because I’m a sucker for charity.
This time, I’m learning from my mistakes. I’m planning better. I’m more committed to getting it right.
Over the past few weeks, I’ve started referring new prospective clients out to a few folks I know who do what I do. I’d hoped that would be enough, but unfortunately it isn’t going to cut it. So I’ve decided to pull a Pen Men and take on a partner. I realized the reason I’m so blindly jealous of them is because I want what they have. Yesterday, on the long long LONG train ride home from the city I asked myself, “Why do I think I can’t have that?”
And I answered myself (yes, I do that), “Because you’re a control freak who doesn’t play well with others.”
“But but but,” I begged to differ, “James can do it.”
“Okaaay,” I answered. “You can try it.”
And so, the brainstorming began. By this morning, I’d confirmed that there is in fact someone stupid brave enough to endure my insanity. Today, we divvied up the lawyer blogs in a way that won’t make either of us crazy.
She won’t be posting here. So this announcement is really all about me and has nothing to do with this blog. But for those of you who have been worried that my frequent meltdowns might spill over into a Handgun Epidemic Lowering Plan or a Hazardous Emergency Leak Procedure, rest assured. I have pressed the big red button.


