As I mentioned last week on my personal blog, working through the stomach flu is no fun. In outsider theory, the freelance lifestyle is packed with proverbial goodies such as setting our own hours (I wish that were always true), working in our pajamas (ok, this one I sometimes abide by) and firing the clients we hate (unless, of course, we can’t afford to).

Unfortunately, along with all that tasty freedoms comes a few drawbacks, like not getting paid time off, having to deal with lots of neurotic ‘bosses’ rather than just one, and feeling obligated to tote our laptops with us to the potty when we’re puking.

So, maybe that last point was an exaggeration. But seriously, freelancing isn’t as rosy as some people who don’t freelance seem to think it is.

Here are my top five complaints for today:

1. The job market’s riddled with… riddles.

Ever had those days where your morning starts out with reading a job ad that’s super vague, and it ends with banging your head against the wall when your response for clarification turns up as an auto-response trying to sell you the latest Want to make MORE MONEY as a FREELANCE WRITER resource for $9.95? While it might be a lovely resource packed with truly exclusive information (although I doubt it), it’s not a job offer, which means this ad doesn’t belong on a job board. But hey… we writers live to laugh.

2. The knocking neighbor syndrome is haunting.

A “can I borrow an egg” here and a “come out and see my dog’s new trick” there make concentrating on a Saturday afternoon project rather spotty. A response of “I’m busy working” usually gets a glazed over look that faintly whispers of “Why don’t you ever take time off?” Sometimes they actually say it.

3. Some clients are just clueless.

There will be clients who think telling you your invoice landed in their spam folder is a good excuse. There will be clients who can’t spell or even bother to use a spellcheck but then question your use of the word “their” instead of “there” — as in, “Shouldn’t you have used “there” their?” There will be clients who think they can pay you in donuts. If you’re super lucky, they’ll all be the same client.

4. Other clients simply have personality disorders.

The passive aggressive is pleased until it’s time to pay the bill. The borderline personality loves you until he hates you. And the schizophrenic refers to himself (and sometimes you) in the third person.

5. Self-employed health insurance deductibles make health vs death worth debating.

You’ve come down with what you can only describe to your doctor as a vague plague, one which if left untreated you anticipate might kill you. Do you pay the $3000 deductible and get those tests run, even though you know the tests will most likely reveal nothing (or something that can’t be cured without thousands of dollars worth of medication), or do you risk death and pay your rent instead?

I hope you’ve enjoyed my freelance rant. I’ll be back soon with the regularly scheduled helpful tips.